Supporting Smooth Transitions Together

With any change or transition come feelings, feelings of excitement and maybe worry about the new year, new teacher, new classmates, and more! All of that is ok! How can you help your child cope with these feelings and start the year on the right foot?

First of all, let’s make sure your child’s routines are in place and solid. We know children who are not getting enough sleep or who do not have consistent sleep times can be more irritable and have more intense emotions. Additionally, make sure they are maintaining their healthy habits of healthy eating (limit sugar and processed foods!), hydrating (especially in this heat!), limiting screen time, and making sure they are exercising, playing, and staying active.

Once those foundational pieces are in place, we have a better chance of supporting our children’s ability to manage their feelings about transitions. There are some simple and powerful tools you can use to help your children’s transition, but first, it is essential to address our issues: Don’t fear the child’s emotions! We worry that bringing up an upcoming transition can cause distress, and we avoid it until the last minute. Try to move oppositely and bring it up with ample time so you and your child can be ready to process it. Here are some simple and powerful steps you can follow:

1.     Listen with curiosity and empathy. Make sure you are sitting at their level, with good eye contact, and gentle and supportive physical touch. Listen with your full attention and presence!

2.     Validate and normalize what they share. Say, “You are feeling scared about having a new teacher. That is completely natural. Many kids feel the same when they start the new year, and I felt the same way when I was in school. New things can be scary until we go through them and get used to them”.

3.     Listen to their questions and answer them honestly.

4.     Focus on safety and security. Say, “At home, I take care of you and make sure you are safe and cared for all the time. At school, your teacher will make sure you are safe.” Talk about all the things that adults can and will do to ensure your child is safe.

5.     Let them know it is ok if they miss you when you say goodbye and tell them you will miss them too. They can think about you (just as you will be thinking about them!) and tell their teacher they are missing you, so the adults in school can help.

6.     Remind them of previous times when they have managed transitions well. Could you remind them of times when they experienced worry or fear and handled them well? What did they do? What helped?

7.     Ask them what new and fun things this new year might bring. Would you be able to think of any? You can share your ideas too: new friends, new projects and activities, and lots of learning and fun.

Despite your supportive and helpful conversations, your child may seem worried during drop-off time on Wednesday and the following days. This is completely normal. Remember, do not fear their emotions! Let your child feel their emotions safely with you, and follow these steps to help them cope:

1.     State the facts. Keep it simple, brief, and most of all, calm. No drama, anxiety or panic. Say: “I am going to work, and you will be with your teacher. Your teacher will make sure you are safe and cared for. I will see you a little later”

2.     Validate feelings if they come up. Say “You are feeling sad we are saying goodbye. That is ok. It’s ok to feel sad or cry. I will miss you too. When I am not here, your teacher takes care of you. They will hug you, give you water, play with you and take care of you. And then I will come back to pick you up” Avoid making promises, bargaining, over-explaining or building up your return as a prize. Then calmly and confidently leave without adding more emotions of your own. Avoid returning once you say goodbye.

3.     You may give your child an item that can help them cope with their feelings if they miss you a lot (for example, a special teddy bear, or comfort item)

You may feel bad when leaving your child at school if your child is sad or anxious. Please know you are doing something transformative. You are emotionally supporting your child while they struggle so they can strengthen their coping skills and expand their trust. You are communicating in a way they can understand and relate. You are helping them process what is happening and how they are feeling. You are lending them your trust in their strength and their ability to handle the separation. You are trusting the school and the process, and this gives children a sense of safety. You are letting your child know you trust that all feelings come and go, they will pass, and you are not afraid of feelings.

We thank you for taking the time to partner with us to ensure children have a transition that is a smooth and safe as possible.